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| Monday, 5/22/06 @ 11:13 am] |
so im sitting in computer apps. just got done taking my last final from high school.
and will shortly be done writing my last journal from high school ever. i leave in 25 minutes. wow.
as much as i want it to be over, i dont. i will miss many of you, despite all of the bad times, there have been some amazing ones with some of you amazing people out there.
so i just wanted to say i love you guys.
and i will miss you.
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| Friday, 5/19/06 @ 10:52 am] |
mann, i feel like a loser.
most people are happy that high school is over. people have been talking about all of the memories, and about who they spent what time with and all of that.
and um, i guess, i dont really have much to say.
i dont know where im going with this, or where im going at all really.
i wish i wouldnt have skated through my high school years with one blade instead of two. i wish that i wouldnt have been so unknown, i wish i would have gotten out more and done things. i wish i would have gotten better grades so that i would have somewhere i could go, but i guess i failed at that one too.
the friends ive made in high school have pretty much all left me and moved onto other people that i know. and i think the thing that kills me the most are having to hear them talk about how they miss those certain people, because they have been left behind as well. i wish i could have changed someone's life, or made someone happy, or make someone smile.
anything at all.
but i guess i failed.
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| Wednesday, 5/17/06 @ 11:23 am] |
there go the canons.
the heavy artillery is still moving in, and my Howlitzer seems to be running low on ammo.
this surprise attack took me from behind like i didnt see it coming.
the black smoke rising from the field of dreams is just an everyday battle i guess.
"give me 5 seconds and a gun and ill show you how its done."
(watch out for anti-room songs)
they could be about you next.
real update later.
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| Tuesday, 5/16/06 @ 11:17 am] |
its kind of funny. everyones all getting ready for high school to be over and done with, getting ready to part with their friends and all that, saying bye to their favorite teachers and whatnot. but then theres me. i have no one to say bye to, no one to say "ill call you soon so we can hang out," no one to look at and be able to say, "i will miss you."
everyones gone. everyone has left me behind. all of the crazy things that ive done with some of these people, or the crazy things that ive done for some of you, all of the conversations weve had and all the times weve hung out, gone to shows, wrote music with, ate in restaurants, or just chilled on your couch/bed/floor/whatever, i guess none of that meant anything to anyone. some of you ive known for years, but i guess years of getting to know each other dont cash in when its all done and over with.
everyone keeps saying that life gets better after high school and all of that, but ive come to the realization that i will have absolutely nothing after high school. nothing at all, except myself wearing the broken heart on my sleeve that i seem to do so well.
i guess this is the end of the year.
heres to the end of this perfect story.
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| Monday, 5/15/06 @ 11:05 am] |
here we go again, down this same stupid road.
why am i always the one who gets the short end of the stick?
and this time, its not just short, its like im hanging on by the tip of a twig.
theres so much going through my mind right now that i dont even know where to start. i guess i just ruin everyone's life, i cant seem to make a single person on the face of this dreaded planet even the slightest bit happy. im only good for material things, like playing guitar in somebodys band because im "good," or giving someone a ride somewhere because i dont have anything else to ever do, only good for people to just run me down like always.
and you. why did you pull me into this if you knew from the first place that you still loved him, and that you still have feelings for him? why? why me? you led me on to believe that you were fine, and that you wanted to move right on by, but now theres a sudden change in someones mind? and how many times that you told me that you didnt want to talk to him, or didnt want to hang out with him. all bullshit. how do i know that you werent out hanging out with him while you were texting me telling me that you were somewhere else and that you missed me? id tell you to make up your fucking mind, but i guess its too late, since last night you gave me the " im sorry but i cant let go of him" aka its over speech. i should have known this would happen from you ditching me a week before prom, from you talking about your "problems" with him, i feel so fucking stupid for allowing you to get me so involved in this. i could have seen it coming then, but nooo, i gave you a second chance, or the 2349087 chance really. i cant believe that this is happening all over again. i dont want you to talk to me anymore. i dont want you to even look at me. i dont want to hear your voice and i dont even want to notice that you are alive anymore. as far as i am concerned, you are dead. from now on. you fucked your chance up, way to go.
i dont like to post my problems all over the internet and act like i want pity or anything. no one will probably read this anyway, but i dont care. i just wanted to write all of this down, hoping that maybe it wont make me feel so shitty anymore. i dont think its working, but oh well i guess. maybe im not meant to feel okay anymore.
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| Thursday, 5/11/06 @ 11:32 am] |
ohh how i hate it.
by that i mean hate you and everything else to do with you.
i did nothing wrong, so why am i the one who gets screwed when its all done and said?
so fuck you.
i have a slight feeling coming from the uneasiness in my stomach that says this summer isnt going to be as great as i originally thought. it will probably just end up as bad if not worse than last summer.
rad.
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| Monday, 5/8/06 @ 11:24 am] |
one word sums up the weekend: awful.
but im trying to make the best of the situation, even though its not looking good for a lot of people.
ahh fuck me.
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| Tuesday, 5/2/06 @ 11:26 am] |
i hate dramatic people, you suck.
but anyways, the new anti-room songs are loookin and sounding oh so good.
and this summer will be full of lots of shows with lots of good looking people.
so it should be nothing short of fabulous.
gah the bell is about to ring-a-ling
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGHAN PITTMAN.
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| Friday, 4/28/06 @ 11:09 am] |
everyones ready for grad night and prom, they are both this weekend.
too bad im not going to either of them. oh well.
and this stupid guy made the sweetest girl in the whole world cry yesterday, and i want to kick him in the face for it. what a douche bag.
but anyhow, there will be much songwriting going on tonight. hopefully something good will come from it. i decided yesterday that i am going to take over the music world somehow this year
this is my year.
so watch out!
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| Thursday, 4/27/06 @ 11:29 am] |
okay, so maybe i was wrong.
life seems to suck again, but maybe its just high school.
thank god its almost over.
i feel like going and driving for days with no planned destination.
who wants to join me??
now if only i really could.
i wish i could live a little too, i feel like i never really do anything but stop working.
it better pay off, not that im just writing all of these songs and doing all this crap for nothing.
hopefully this summer will be full of shows for lots of pretty people to see.
with lots of pretty music to go along with it.
hopefully it wont suck like last summer.
blah.
real update later.
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| Wednesday, 4/26/06 @ 11:29 am] |
the show last night was simply amazing.
hopefully one day people will see me up on a big stage too.
so much fun, i wish i could do it all over again.
there isnt really much left to say, i think life could possibly be the best that it has been in a very long time. only 20 or so days left of high school, score.
been writing writing writing lately as well, got a lot of new "adam talbert" and "anti room" songs going down. look out for those in the near future.
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| Tuesday, 4/25/06 @ 11:28 am] |
yeah so im 18 now, and life seems to change more everyday.
but thats okay i guess.
falloutboy show tonight in jax, im so excited. if youre going, come and find me and patty b. and hang out with us, we will be crunk so come join the party if youre going.
and i have decided that i miss you terribly, possibly more than any of the other "you"s from the past. you were my first best friend, and i miss talking to you for 6 or more hours everyday. i miss staying up until 3 in the morning telling you how sweet you really are, because i think sometimes that you are still the nicest girl on the planet. i miss us. i miss it all, i wish i could re-live the whole part of my life with you and do it all over again, but way better this time.
but either way, im glad we are still friends. i miss/love you.
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| Thursday, 4/13/06 @ 11:14 am] |
i hate people.
on the other hand however, the talent show is tonight.
im pretty excited.
cause im gonna make it way fun if it ends up not so fun.
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| Tuesday, 4/11/06 @ 11:09 am] |
yeah so i hate having to hear people complaining about their lives and how messed up they are, when they know that the reason its messed up is because of them and what they do.
youre not cool, so complain after you at least attempt to fix your pitiful lives.
i woke up this morning, and sort of wanted to wish that i hadnt. by then, i could tell that it wasnt going to be a good day. i hate being in this stupid town full of all of these stupid people that do insanely dumb things. i love the way that people who ive known for years still find a way to avoid me when they see me. if they even see me at all. giving me your funny looks like your looking right through me. im not a window, im your friend, or i at least try my hardest to be. i love the fading awy feeling. im swimming towards the surface, but i never seem to get anywhere past nowhere. so i guess nows the time for me to sink into the abyss.
i lost my date to prom the other day due to complex circumstances. so now i guess i just wont go, since i think its a little too late to find someone now. rad.
bands are going okay i guess. the something to lose show friday was fun but deafening. it kinda sucks that everyone just kinda stood there and stared at us after we are done playing, but thanks for those who actually clapped and stuff. well really, thanks for those of you who bothered to stay and watch us the whole time, there wasnt many people left when we finished.
we were supposed to have talent show dress rehearsal yesterday for anti-room, but no one bothered to tell us that it was cancelled until after we dragged alllll of our equipment to the school.
i guess handguns for hearts is over? i dont really know, but i havent heard from any of the guys about it since christmas break.
god i hate this school.
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| Friday, 4/7/06 @ 11:26 am] |
so the something to lose show is tonight.
in the hellhole at ballard.
rad. well hopefully.
ill try not to mess up too bad.
if you happen to attend tonight, come find and hang out with me.
come find me out.
hopefully ill get to see some familiar faces, i miss them.
hopefully i wont smell so bad that it will scare you all away.
ahh talent show is next thursday too.
now that one, im way nervous about.
thanks to my shaky ability to sing okay one day, and then completely horrible the next.
more will come later, ill try not to bore you next time.
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| Tuesday, 3/21/06 @ 11:13 am] |
hm updates. its been a while. life is hard, i wont lie.
"adam talbert" demos will be done soon.
i think theyll be okay.
im thinkin theyll be like $2-3, depends on how many songs i end up putting on there.
if anyone wants a copy, lemme know, ill either give one to you when i see you, or hook me up with your address and all that good stuff if i dont see you much/at all or you live far away or whatever, you know.
plus: show updates
-april 7th - something to lose is playing @ teasers in brunswick round 6-ish i think. come out and say hey/hang with me, ill try not to bore you.
-april 13 - my new band, anti-room, is playing at the BHS talent show. come out and show our nervous faces some love, this is our first show.
writing for your pretty eyes:
im speeding down heartbreak highway like a bat out of hell. avoiding you so i dont get more citations. i take the exit to the dirtiest part of town so i can say that im not the worst thing around. the streets are whispering gossip like you just committed a felony. youre all the talk, i wont lie. but at least im not the one whos wearing the mask thats just lying to lay down. i can feel the water rising over the bedsheets as you drown me in my sleep. bury me tonight with every word that you never said. keep those lies like you kept me around to use every once a month.
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| Monday, 3/6/06 @ 11:28 am] |
okay, i think im either going to stop using the computer or throw it out of the window or something, because everytime i get on it just makes me feel worse/ a smidge upset.
i hear friends complaining about how they dont have friends. absolutely sick of it, you know you will always have me at least. i know im not amazing, or im not like him, or whatever excuses youre going to use because you think im not capable of doing anything good. but i will never let you down, youll always have someone, and that someone is me.
i talked to someone from the past last night. first time in a while that we talked about normal things without screaming at each other. i miss how things used to be, i think that might have been the only time that i was truly happy, even though i know i didnt show it much.
but despite being on the computer and reading everyones woes and drama:
i think its safe to say that things might be getting better?
(knock on wood).
i hope so.
p.s. i miss you.
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| Tuesday, 2/28/06 @ 11:30 am] |
hmm updates.
lifes okay, you make it suck a lot though.
wrote this about things:
the ice covering the windshield on my car reminds me of all the long talks and drives we used to have. the cold breeze blowing reminds me of how i used to look into your eyes and see something real. the rain falling on the lonely saturday nights reminds me of how i used to peek through the cracks in the window shades to see your car parked out in front over next door, and how you were always only 50 feet away when i needed you. the summer air reminds me of the sweet voice that i used to hear on my voicemails and through the phone speaker. the rustling of the leaves on clear autumn days reminds me of how you used to care like no one ever did before.
but the ice melts. the breeze never lasts long. that 50 feet seems to be so close but so far away at the same time. that summer air only lasts for 4 months of the year. the leaves on the ground outside on sunny fall days always seem to dissapear. where do they go if you dont rake them up? i guess the same place that you did.
sometimes i miss you so much i can hardly stand it.
you can say im hard of letting go.
but i dont let go of my friends like some people i know.
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| Thursday, 2/23/06 @ 11:32 am] |
i just thought of something else to say.
maybe todays not such a good day as the last few have been.
im tired of hearing people talk about you like theyre your best friend, when i know that i used to be in your "best friend."
funny how things change so quickly.
especially for you.
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| Thursday, 2/23/06 @ 11:25 am] |
yikes, havent updated in awhile.
things have been going okay, im in a new band with rad guys, we are playing the talent show. its my first show singing so it will be interesting.
some words for you.
i think i want to hate you just as much as i miss you.
i cant wait until i wont have to see you everyday anymore.
that is all, i will no waste no more time on you.
f/o, g-bye, although i think youve already forgotten the person i really am.
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